8 Steps to Connection

The pandemic has been a tough time for many, yet it’s given us an opportunity to pause and reflect on what really matters. Human connection is something that is critical for our emotional and mental wellbeing, yet we often take it for granted. Studies show that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. These meaningful connections can help protect people from life’s ups and down, delay mental and physical decline, and help people live longer.

Human connection can be as simple as people feeling seen and valued. Imagine it as being an exchange of positive energy where multiple people benefit, and trust is built.

Be yourself

All the connections in the world are pointless if you are trying to be someone you’re not. There must be honesty. This might mean that you don’t feel a connection with some people and that’s ok. We build more meaningful connections through unconditionally accepting ourselves and feeling grounded in the presence of others.

While being yourself is essential in building meaningful connections, it’s also about the other person. It may feel easier and less risky initially to connect with someone who is like you or shares your point of view, but over time, you will gain much more perspective and richness in relationships with those who think differently to you. Asking questions, listening, and then asking more questions again can be a great way to build positive relationships, and understand a person’s point of view.

Consider who are you connecting with?

Who are the people in your life that you consider friends? The ones that bring out the best in you and that you can be yourself with. What about your loved ones? Do they know how important they are to you? How do you show gratitude? At work you may not feel a strong connection with colleagues, but how do you strengthen relationships so you can work effectively and support others.

Take initiative and live in the moment

As with most things, connection requires initiative and effort. However, it doesn’t need to be complicated – try looking up and acknowledging someone you pass in the street. You may decide to join a club or volunteer somewhere, and whilst the initial introductions might seem challenging, you will likely find that it’s easy to connect with people who share the same interests as you. At work it’s easy to be busy, but how about arranging lunch or a virtual coffee with colleagues. Our loved ones and friends are important in our lives, so let’s live in the moment and turn up in the right way when we’re with them.

Human connection is not digital

Do you really need your phone next to you while you are eating? Take charge of what you bring to the table and encourage discussion about the day – is there a TV show or movie that you’re wanting to watch, a book you’ve started, an interesting person you recently met? What about your meetings at work? Turn your phone over, put it on do not disturb – respect your time and the time of others.

Human connection is not Facebook, TikTok, twitter or Instagram. These tools can act as stepping stone to something more meaningful, but they don’t guarantee it and they don’t provide it on their own.

Prioritize connection in your life

Connection must be nurtured and whilst we will continue to form new friendships, we need to find a way to maintain and strengthen our existing relationships with family, friends and colleagues. How many times have you suggested plans, then they don’t happen? Think about that road trip you didn’t take or the get-together you had to cancel. Do you consciously consider times for one-on-one time versus opportunities with a group? Both can provide fulfilling connection, but one invites intimacy, empathy and richness.

Don’t take things too personally

We tend to take little things to heart – something your friend said may annoy you, or maybe a sudden reaction from a loved one may hurt you. We need to learn to let go – bad moments happen and we should live and love without guarantee. Human connection is usually kind and should not incorporate judgement, but it can certainly be uncomfortable because it both challenges us and encourages us. This can be the beauty of true connection.

Be open to being vulnerable

We live in a world where people want to pretend that they have it together. Sometimes connection can be found in the moments that are your toughest, particularly if you are willing to show vulnerability. Letting people see the ‘real’ you will deepen your connection with others, and it will likely support your own growth and healing.

Feel it

Like the relationship we have with ourselves, our connection with others is conducive to happiness and fulfilment. We need to feel the benefit in our everyday lives. Connecting with others doesn’t have to include words – time spent in closeness and experience can also support bonding. Take a moment to reflect after quality time with a loved one or friend.

What do you think are the ingredients of human connection?  Remember that connection is a choice and regardless of how you choose to connect with others, you deserve a lifetime full of glorious friendships, love and people where the value exchange pushes you to grow, lights you up and provides these things to others.